Wasted - Part II

(read part I first)

I entered college. I joined Computer science and Engineering (CSE) because I thought I was good at it and you may ask what made me select CSE as my field of study? It was a misconception that if i could get a 90% in my 12th board exams then there must be something good with me and computers. By then I was also interested in computer graphics and animation. So one of my friend said that you will be learning those stuff in engineering too. I took up his word and joined engineering and what did I get... HELL!! As one would say engineering is like prison life. I too was acting like a prisoner being regular to college, finishing off assignments early, studying for internals etc. But once I got my first semester results, it made me feel "What The F@#$ ??" I flunked in mathematics. There was this guy called prashanth. He was kind of the guy who enjoys and also at the same studies. Though we were from different departments we used to hang out together. Slowly we started gaining interest in ROCK music. We even thought of starting a band. We planned to name the band as "Effervesence" (similar to evanescence) or "Pile of Junk" (similar to puddle of mudd). We attended music classes for 2-3 months but dropped out the plan because of some reasons.

As days & years went by my academics started to get even worse. In the end I had 4 arrears and wasn't doing much to work harder either. By then my friends circle changed and started the REAL days of my college life. Bunking classes, goin to friend's room and watching movies, watching a movie in theatres, smoking outside college, boozing after examinations etc. College life was started to look cool and even I was kind of doing well in my studies i.e., I was clearing my exams.

By the time we entered 4th year we ( me and 3 of my friends) slowly started gaining interest in cinema. It was me, karthik, aravind menon and vishnu raj. We seemed so desperate that we started writting scripts, posing for stills and making trailers for our own fantasized movie, we even screened them in our farewell and we got a huge response. We were all thrilled and started trying for the next step but we all went in different directions in life, so we kind had to leave

our dream behind.

Now for the most important part, probably something that has to do with my career. All these years right from my school days to college I was least bothered about what i was going to be in my life?? I am not a very intelligent person but I always was a kind of student who learnt everything for the sake of getting a pass mark in my exam. I was never told (even as a kid) the things I learn in school and college are probably used in the future and I was too late to realise it

either. I didn't have the guts to go and attend any interviews though I attended some when I was in college. I decided to do some course to get some added benefit... I did Embedded Systems with a lot of compulsion from my father because he believed it had a lot of scope. But i never had any interest. Though I got the certificate but never bothered to attend any interviews.

I simultaneously did a small course on Visual Effects too. I took a lot of interest and did stuffs. Probably one of the only time I learnt something so that I can be THAT someone. But all my efforts went in vein because i met with a major accident when I went for a job hunt in chennai. Months passed by and I lost touch and slowly the interest has faded again. I m currently doing Oracle certification, hoping it fetches me a job.

In my 24 years of life experience, my interests kept switching like a sine wave. I know many of you out there are like me who have no idea about their life or purpose of existence. I still haven't figured a way to get a fix on one field/dream. What I want to do is only partially clear. I want to get into a creative line. I dont want to be that person who is a 9 to 6 working IT professional or the night-shift call centre guy. I want to lead a different life. I want to be unique.

Hopefully I get to become what I want.. someday. But I hope it doesn't become too late....

Wish me luck!!